Laurie dÜrt: On Tackling Fear

"There's this whole world out here, and we can be sharin' it, or we can be scared of it, but I think we'd be better off bearin' it, if we were carryin' eachother."

Update from Fethiye

Hello family, friends, and random readers I have picked up along the way.

It has been forever since my last true update about travel, what I've been doing, and how things are going... so I feel it is time to catch the blog up to date... be warned... THIS COULD GET LENGTH-Y.

It's a rainy day here in Fethiye, I have soup heating on our stove, and Matthew has gone out in the rain to pick us up our "friday pizza date" pizzas.  We are paying 10 dollars a night/per person for our own private studio apartment with a fridge, stove top, and balcony with a view of the sea and surrounding mountains.  This is the first time we have had privacy in MONTHS, and we are enjoying it beyond what words can describe.

We are enjoying it so much that we have pretty much locked ourselves up in this room, and only go out to pick up groceries or water.  We have been in Fethiye for two weeks.  Though people barely speak English, most of the time, they are extremely nice and helpful.  This place is like paradise.

As we reach the tail end of our trip (we have entered our last month), thoughts of home and what my life will be like constantly enter my head.  I don't try to think too hard on the answer to this, but I have learned a lot while travelling, and have lived different mini-lifestyles in each city we have stayed in, and I know I have a clearer idea of who I am, and what makes me happy and passionate.

It really is a huge coincidence that we ended up in Fethiye; I will spare you the story, but a series of events have caused us to have the ability to remain here longer than we originally anticipated... but to be honest, and you'll excuse my spirituality here, I feel the universe wanted us to stay here in this quiet, happy, beautiful city by the sea.  I truly believe that.

The hectic travel lifestyle was definitely an interesting experience, but bunk beds, shared bathrooms and kitchens, and always being surrounded by hussle and bussle, and literally having your sleep interrupted every single night starts to really wear you down.  You really don't have time to think; you are constantly forced to interract, meet people, and go, go, go.

Fethiye has offered us something we didn't even know we needed... stillness.   Oh my god... stillness.  I haven't seen that in YEARS!  When was the last time where you literally spent a week learning to cook, coloring pictures, watching television, and day-dreaming without having some "TO-DO LIST" quietly hassling you?  For me, its been years.  And this has been LUXURY.. I mean, no hot shower, and we wash our dishes with body wash... but LUXURY!

I may not know what exactly life has in store for me, but I have let go of this "GOTTA GET STUFF DONE.  THERE'S NO TIME TO STOP, MUST GO GO GO GO GO" attitude that I held onto for so long.  It was suffocating me, not allowing me to truly think about the things that really matter.  I have been exploring things that I have been too busy/too proud to stop and enjoy since my teenage years, and I am feeling more passionate, more happy, and more ALIVE, like truly present, than I have since childhood.  I feel like the haze has vanished, and I can clearly see what happiness is for myself.

The best part is that we get to (hopefully) enjoy this CHILL-PILL life-style for another week, and I am going to make sure I remember how important this is, so I can bring this lesson home with me.  I must STOP with the desire to be busy and distracted, and must enjoy life thoroughly, because it's the only one I have, and there may be nothing on the other side once my final day approaches.

For those who may be interested, this is what I have been doing:
(because I am not encouraging people to become a couch potato, but rather, to look for inspiration, and to just stop and enjoy being alive. I now see it's the best way for passion to reach the surface.)

Learning to draw manga, anime, and realism.  I want to make my own original characters and make a "graphic novel" of some sort... or sell some stuff online.

Watching DIGIMON on youtube... you must watch this show, it is way better than pokemon, way better character development, season 2 gets really good, ill post a link:



I have been day-dreaming of the fun things I want to do with this blog once I get home, and have resources... and costumes. ;)

Day-dreaming the next things to cross off the bucket list. Indulge in what makes you feel alive and passionate.

I have been re-arranging our home mentally, we want to make it an awesome hang out place where we can focus on all of our hobbies like drawing, knitting, video editing, and enjoying life.

And I have been thinking a lot about my parents, family, friends, co-workers, and clients (I bet every single one of you has entered my head more than once), and how appreciative I truly am, and how BLESSED I am to have the life and love I do.

So Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!

Lots of love from Fethiye, Turkey. :)

Matthew Mowgli Durt: On Pride and Vanity

Is it bad that you yearn to be “special”? To be unique? To be better than others? Yes! Absolutely! Being “special” means identifying your self-worth by the comparison of others. This MUST be eradicated. It must!  Now this is not to say that an obsession with self is a bad thing. In fact, just the opposite! Thinking about yourself is NOT a bad thing, folks. It takes work to be dÜrt! dÜrt is not about vanity; it’s about pride. It is not about building up a narcissistic version of yourself; it’s about presentation, it’s about being your very best self, it’s about never settling for bunk!


Pride and vanity are very different. Pride offers us authentic, genuine, true happiness. Your pride is not your anger. If you have anger, let go of that; do not let your wounds, your narcissistic shield, your vanity control you. But your pride? Your preference for excellence? Your expectations to be your very best self? This is necessary! You must not give that up! You must not!

And you must not give up education, the pursuit of knowledge and enlightenment. You must work toward understanding life more deeply, more intricately…. as much as a human possibly can. Your brain is full of potential. How exciting! How thrilling! You must live for the moments of wonder and determination, the moments when you’re left alone, left with your thoughts, no distractions, no outside agendas, only your stream of consciousness organically exploring with a fiercely focused direction toward truth. You must expose yourself to excellence. You must read and watch the works of inspirational artists. The classics are classics for a reason! When you read their thoughts and live their lives, you will feel new souls resurrect within yourself. Give life! Breathe life! Choose life!

Choose to be you. Choose not to destroy you. Choose to do the things that fuel your fire and choose to not do the things that suffocate that fire. You must burn. You must burn! You must eradicate your vanity, your foolish distractions, your foolish comparisons! You must find your authentic passion and you must hold on to it as if your life depends on it, because it does!

Changing yourself and the way you think.

I have touched on this subject a little bit already, but a discussion I had this morning with my co-pilot, Matthew, has inspired me to elaborate on the subject.  Beyond experiencing and being present, I really hope that I get time for reflection and self-exploration. In all honesty, I really have been practicing a lot of self-reflection in the last few months, specifically on the person I want to be: mentally, physically, spiritually. I've been thinking about the costumes I wear, the way I speak,  the way I carry myself, etc. I've come to realize that the true, authentic person inside of me really changes every single day, but I only let small glimpses of that person reach the surface.  Out of my own fear, I have constructed a mask, and I only allow a few cracks to let the light in me shine through. And when this inner light does shine through, I feel vulnerable and I feel shameful. I think to myself, "This is not how I have been conditioned to act and think." Or I tell myself, "People are going to think I have gone nuts if I give up the act and take off the mask and actually embrace who I want to be."  For me, I hope this trip will serve as a cocoon.  The caterpillar has eaten all of my familiar surroundings, and it is time to hide away in a cocoon and transform; I want to allow my beautiful colors to shine. I want to bloom without shame or fear of being cast away. This trip is my cocoon. It is five months to escape the expectations or suppression (which is probably more reinforced by myself than it is by any of the people around me). Although I am scared, I have a feeling that when I bloom, my colors will be appreciated more than ridiculed.

However, Matthew has expressed a concern, specifically about my blogging: sharing my thoughts and ideas and inviting people into the cocoon.  He fears it will taint the potential to let our spirits break free to their fullest ability.  And I suppose in a lot of ways I do agree, but for some reason blogging feels really right.  It feels really right to let people in. Whether my readers understand and have compassion, or if they think I have gone nuts and am swimming in the deep end, it still feels right to expose my true self. It feels right to let them see this turmoil, to let them read these words. I can't confidently say I am blogging merely for myself; I may possibly be craving attention... or maybe its for validation.. or maybe I just want to expose my every inner workings and gears as a method to eliminate the shame that has created the mask I wear over my insides.  Regardless, I want to dust off those gears and let them GLITTER AND SHINE.  I yearn to be a real human, and I yearn to be surrounded by real people; vulnerable, scared, but strong humans.. And if I hope to be surrounded by real people, I must also push myself to be authentic and vulnerable and scared. So much like my workouts at the gym, this process makes me feel weak in the present moment, but it's absolutely worth the pain, because I know it will make me stronger in the future. 

So welcome on board! Whether it's because you are reading this to mock me, or to act as a cheerleader, or if you need a hand to hold as we all begin our own personal journeys and tear down these walls that we have self-built to hide ourselves from the outside world.  I come in peace and compassion, (maybe a bit on the defense during moments of insecurity), but I have decided it's time to cocoon, and then SHED SHED SHED.