Sequins and Leopard Print

You know what I have been missing a lot lately?  I miss my clothes.  And I'm not talking about my t-shirts and my slacks... I'm talking about my sequins, my pearls, my fur, and leather vests.  I'm talking about my ripped up fishnets.  You know what’s a shame?  The world has never seen how fabulous I look in sequins and leopard print.   It’s a shame I keep this amazing clothing collection hidden in our furnace room back home, only to play with on the weekends... because these clothes are “costumes.”  These clothes are only for when I am being silly... they are only for dress up.  But something hit me the other day... I really, really miss these clothes.   And I got really defensive in my head; I was all like "GIRL, WHAT LACKLUSTER JERK DECIDED I GOTTA HIDE THESE COSTUMES IN MY CLOSET?!"  And then I realized.  No one set this damn rule.  The fake audience in my head set this rule.  And then I realized something else: I DONT HAVE TO FOLLOW IT!

When I first left on this trip, I wrote that I needed to cocoon; I said I needed to step away to clear my head and become who I wanted to be, and to find happiness.  And I believe that I did exactly that in a lot of ways.  I have had HEAPS of hours to sit around and think, reflect, ponder on everything there is to ponder on.  But I don't want to be backstage anymore!  I want to be ON STAGE!  I want this evolution to be seen. 

I am QUEER.  And I don't mean gay.  I mean STRANGE.  I am WEIRD.  And I want to show it, and I think it’s about time I do...

When I was a bit younger, around the time I was coming out of the closet, there was this 'boy' I used to watch on youtube... You probably know him. A couple of years after my sister Lea and I discovered this gem of a human, he blew up; you probably know him as the "LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!" guy/girl, but let me digress, Chris Crocker was a boy from a close-minded town in the south. He needed an outlet to express himself, and that outlet was a video camera and a youtube channel.  He would scream, cry, act wild, and go on about important issues that really mattered to him.  He also wore make-up, danced around, wore really bad weaves, and basically wore an attitude that said "IF THIS OFFENDS YOU, AND MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE, I am DOING MY JOB... AND REALLY, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK.  I'M GONNA BE ME NO MATTER WHAT."  Look him up, he is hilarious, crazy, and he is one of my idols.  He has time and again reminded me that you can't let fear stop you from being who you are, and basically that "you're going to have haters no matter what, so it’s better to be hated for who you are, instead of who you're not."

Chris Crocker: Hairflip

So this is a declaration.  I am done oppressing myself.  I LOVE MYSELF.  I think I am neat... scratch that.. I am fabulous!  And I am just going to do what makes me happy, and for me, that means expressing myself.  And by doing so, I hope that I can help others see that you don't have to feel shame if you are a cooky weirdo.  You can love yourself no matter who you are inside...

That’s all I have to say... for now.  So cheers to a new beginning.  Let that pride shine brighter than your sequins. ;)